i dont know what to do with it

this was my back yp blog when the original dissappeared might call it simulacrum

my blog dissappeared?

cat at her best

Well now, I'm back to life as it was, guess last week must have been life as it isn't.  My car is mobile once again after a most expensive transmission replacement.  But I have fallen in love with the lite rail.  The sad part is it goes very few places and by the Bank One Ballpark, I mean Chase field is one of those few places.  so if Bank One got bought out by Chase Bank, it could be called the JP Morgan ball field as that's really who owns Chase bank.  

Well who knows were that could go in this teetering economy, and whats in a name anyway.  Banks are changing their names more often then me.  My reasoning is more theater then anything.  Like vanity plates on a car. or a new pair of shoes.   And then I also work at Target (French owned) but actually I am employed by Boots a cosmetic corporation from England.  But whats in a pedigree. 

babbling just wasting time until I get ready for work.  I don't feel like going today.  But onward and upward.  bills to be paid.  :+)

Signs of a bad economy

cats are so dramatic

I usually don't put stuff out of e-mails on my blog but this is just to funny.

put me over the edge

so last night after writing my not so winy blog post about winy things, I decided to read.  I picked up Amy Tans latest " Saving Fish From Drowning" a while back.  The first sentence had a read more sort of atittude and I like Amy Tans style.  Well, I put that copy down and wandered around the Borders some more and when I was ready to check out I grabbed a copy of aformentioned novel and checked out.  That was 3 weeks ago.  Last night when I picked it up wouldn''t ya know, the first 15 pages were gone.   And who know where the sales slip is.  Not to mention the Borders book store is  10 miles away.  No biggie with a car.  Shit I say.

Life on the flying saucer

How amazing the new Light Rail Transit is here in the Valley of the Sun.  There’s a station about 6 blocks from my house and it goes all the way to Tempe with the usual variety of stops, one being right in front of Chase Baseball stadium, where I work when the Diamond backs are in town.  Good thing too, as my cars transmission bit the dust last week. I thought it was just a run of the mill clutch problem, but no, it’s a very expensive transmission failure.

Ok, I’ve lived without a car before, and rapid transit is do-able in Phoenix.  And this is a bike friendly town.  So I will fix the flat tires on my bike and maybe even spring for a tune-up.  And wouldn’t ya know, it’s not just a tune-up but a shifter malady.  New Shimono gears, $100.00+.  So much for the new gel seat.  But at least I have a light bike that can be thrown on the bus for the longer halls.  And I’ll get back in shape for the liver I’m waiting for.

My little apartment is sweet.  Great neighbors, offered to give me rides if I need them.  And the bugs are gone I think.  Oh, bet I didn’t mention the bugs did I.  Well I got a free couch back before I left Cottonwood.  Nice comfee couch and I had to store it for 3 weeks at the cute place(though a bit rough around the edges) by the river in Sedona.  I was going to move to before I just decided to bite the bullet and make the big move to Phoenix to be closer to my transplant hospital and transplant team of great doctors and nurses.  Well somewhere along the line this couch acquired bed bugs, or they could have been here all along and found a bug hotel in my couch.  Icky, or should I say itchy.

But I do have two jobs now.  I was sure sweating that for awhile.  Three months and then I land two.  One will have to go though.  An hour and a half on the bus one way with a ten minute hike to and from the bus….. 2 hours if all goes well… well I think not. I have such a hard time with quitting.  I don’t even really like the job anyway but I will have to pry it out of my system with a crow bar. I’ve even had thoughts of acting bad and getting fired.  Sounds like my last relationship.  Hmm, better have a look at that.

And I suppose not having a car will change the nature of my friendship with the Poetry Man as I won’t be peddling my bike to Sedona anytime soon.  I may never get in that good of shape again in this lifetime.  Darn.  That was the one thing I could count on to be sweet and far removed from the bustle of my life.  Well I’m certain it will just change, not be lost forever.   And isn’t that what it’s all about learning how to ride out life and all of its many turns?  Lucy Blu seems to be pretty content and she’s on the same flying saucer as me.  Cute cat.

no wonder I haven't written for a while

I'm not sure who was more crushed

Actually no damage was done, just a few hurt feelings.

German Shepherd puppies for sale

Top of the line German Shephard's.  Isn't this puppy cute?  My job to day was to take photographs of these adorable dogs.  Now how fun is that?

Lucy Blu

Check it out

The Rocky Mountain News folded so the writers to it upon themselves to put this together.

http://www.iwantmyrocky.com/

and then theres the Seattle Post 

http://www.seattlepi.com/

Escape and the critically endangered Ethiopian Wolf

I'm tired.  The world as it is, shackled to my ankle, has a direct connection to this condition.  no more news, or maybe just a little bit. (?) I've picked up  the latest book written about Lucy.  "Lucy's Legacy  the Quest for Human Origins".  as I read paleontology speak written for non-majors, I notice I really don't know much about Ethiopia, well the famine comes to mind.  And I wonder.  DC Johanson, the author, mentions political unrest occasionally making his digs hard to do, and the government occasionally booting them out of the country.  

So, I look Ethiopia up, the famine is over by the way, but the atrocity's that country has been thru and continues to go through startle me.  I listen to the news, how did I miss all this.  The country borders on Somalia, that should be a clue.  But thats not my point.  I'm really amazed how Mr Johanson can be so focused.  His book is about Lucy and all the questions that have come of that unearthing discovery.  Focus.  My point.  

No mention, at least not so far, of the 6 critically endangered species, the 4 endangered species, and the 25 vulnerable species, that have been created do to the political unrest or other wise known as War with all it's heinousness. Geez, I thought I should still be eating everything on my plate because children are starving there.  It would seem Ethiopia hasn't been newsworthy since. 

But thats not the upshot of the book.  Maybe it speaks to a more informed audience.  What ever.  I'm impressed by the mans focus on his passion.  Directed.  He does tell a story of bureaucratic hoops but mostly of his love for the bones and the break thru advances in DNA research to back his thesis.  And in turn he passes on to me a step out of my self and away from the ball and chain I have obsessed on recently.  Between the news and my health, both get in the way of living lighter.  Lucy, much like Lucy the cat, helps relieve me of the burdons I bestow on my being.  Priceless.

n medicine (gastroenterology), esophageal varices are extremely dilated sub-mucosal veins in the esophagus. They are most often a consequence of portal hypertension, such as may be seen with cirrhosis; patients with esophageal varices have a strong tendency to developbleeding.

The lastest thing in my life.  

My crazy X B F burned over 30% of his body heating his house with kerosine.  They pulled the plug to days ago.  He had tons of other health problems and last time I talked to him he wasn't really all that keene on life anyway.  But I'll miss talking to him.  The selfish person that I am. 

I have a job now.  can't remember half the stuff I'm supposed to remember. or should I say it comes and goes really. Spot o one minute - left field the next.

and then theres the duck in the pool at my house.  I say Duck a la orange and he just quacks.

got the job

2 days a week $10.50 an hour. cool! Thanks every one for the vote of confidence. This picture is the front of the condos next door where I live. They were looking for a noisy bungler but never found him. He hasn't been to my place yet but if he managed to get in he would probably be to mystified by how I got everything in here let alone how he might get it out.

I'm afraid to talk about it

I might have a job to go to every week-end. I did the face to face interview yesterday.. after staying up almost all night stressing out. It's a job selling makeup. My makeup has become old. The black clothes I was to wear for the interview are all covered in spots.. the remnants of the job of yesteryear. Bleach, haircolor, lunch... And one pair of black shoes. High heals. They always put me in a good mood after wearing them for about 10 minutes. But geez a potential job in a few weeks.

So then thinks I, (I should never think), I have a little extra money and there is a Kolls and a cheap shoes place and I have my calculator. so I have some cheap cute black clothes. and an overdrawn checking account. I cant even seem to work the calculator how am I gonna work a job, so another sleepless night goes by. And its raining.

I really do need to get over to my friends and unload the boxes of stuff that I brought back form Cottonwood. So When I go up next week there will be room for more. Won't have to pay the locker rent when its all stacked at my g-friends.   I really hate being broke. This could be a trashy novel day. the rain and my comfortable bed.

I have an interview up next week. And lots of resumes out. I know I know. It's the times.Any body need a haircut?

just in general

I had a great time visiting with Madame You See at the airport. I find that exiting to talk with some one for periods of time and then have a face to face. I met 2 of my long term BF's that way and met my put up for adoption at birth daughter that way. An adventure in separating the preconceived from the more or less concrete. I've always based my reality way to much in appearance and body language. And certainly that is all important stuff but when I'm not being distracted by it I can really hear what some one is saying. Not to mention all the posturing I am likely to through into the mix.

well enough of that babble of useless dribble. Even more useless appears to be all the job apps and resumes I've papered the town with. a few bites but just not the right bite. I don't think I've been this long without a job in my life. Well there was the year I waited for SSDI to decide I really was sick and poor but I was always doing something around the house, school, Dog park committee and so 4th.

And what about them fierce little red birds. Not so bad for the worst team in the NFL against the 5 time super bowl champs. Make that 6. And Springsteen did my favorite song. Baby, tramps like us, we were born to run. weelll guess that would be enough out of me for now. I really don't have much to say. but maybe someday I will. Just never know what day.

Peace

sky lines

Phoenix

Here I am in my tiny little space in the Valley of the Sun. We have a football team going to the super bowl. It's 70 degrees. My cat has cat friends. Geez I have friends. Theres an orange tree in my yard, but almost all the oranges are gone now. They were good. I have a swimming pool. I have internet access for a price I really can't afford. Unless, of course I land a job. The tricky part. My liver doesn't appear to be getting much worse. Actually it has gotten better since I quit my job in corporate america. Not working seems to agree with my liver. It doesn't agree with me. Life in this country I suspect is in for a bumpy right into the unknown. I would enjoy it more if I was working.I should be cleaning my little house but no, I am blogging. It's my way to get a blog pinched out. just give me a dirty house. And best yet, one of my favorite bloggers is laying up at the Phoenix airport for a few hours next week and we are gonna have coffee.

Lnagston Hughes Poem

Let America Be America Again
by Langston Hughes

Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed--
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There's never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.")

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?

I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek--
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one's own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean--
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That's made America the land it has become.
O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home--
For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore,
And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa's strand I came
To build a "homeland of the free."

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we've dreamed
And all the songs we've sung
And all the hopes we've held
And all the flags we've hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay--
Except the dream that's almost dead today.

O, let America be America again--
The land that never has been yet--
And yet must be--the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME--
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose--
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people's lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!


O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath--
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain--
All, all the stretch of these great green states--
And make America again!

alone

I made it. One U-haul and three car trips. Mostly did it my self. but many thanks to my friends Mickey and Gary who helped haul. Today I mostly arranged my little space. It feels like home. Just me. and of course Lucy Blu. No roommates, boyfriends, or other braindrains. It's been a long time. I never realized how much being alone agrees with me. Once, one of the many boyfriends I lived with, felt this good. one. hmmmm No internet yet. So I am wasting money in a internet cafe. Next month. The first thing I'm gonna do.

snow bird

I'm moving to the city of the sun (Phoenix) next week. My work is done here. Onward and upward so it's been said. Baby it's cold up here and my old bones just rebel. Friday I go down and check all my resources/recourses. Wish me well. I will miss the poetry man,:+( but whats an hour and a half. And it's better than dope.

life everlasting

Dust in the wind

Children of faith
Principled in spite
Of the apparent chaos
My house is your house
They say with conviction
In the turbulent world
of evolution
when that dream is
Metamorphosis
that kiss that melted my heart
Like lampwax
Won’t even become
Dust in the wind

swing low, sweet chariot

On my way back from Big Sur my brakes went out. I found out my Uncle had died and the wake would be held two days after I reunited with home. My friend rented me a car and back to CA I went to do the family thing (think eggshells). Got home and had the brakes fixed. Went to work that night. I decided to move into Sedona to a sweet little place on the river. I have a three week house sitting job starting tonight. A lump has appeared in my wrist - it's called a ganglion cyst. I dreamed I was stuck in sap and some day I would be found immortalized like a bug in amber.

and there were zebras

the next day the sun came out

dogs and cats

drenched

big sur

I'm going to Big Sur for thanks giving. The ocean has been roaring in my ears at night when I sleep, even the I-Pod doesn't clear it. Oh maybe it is the leftovers from a round of sulfa drugs I took a few years ago, but i would rather it be the ocean beckoning me. either way i'm going. last year i went with polka dot pete theis year i am going with the poetry man. Lucy Blu will stay home with uncle Noel and the cat cuzuns, rollie and sweeker.

it will be mellow. Unlike what my friend Asha is going thru in central america. i'v sworn off other country's since i started getting sick a few years ago. but it hasn't stopped me from adventuring 4th in this one. Nothing like I was inclined 2 in the late 60's and early 70's. but certainly safer. no hitchhiking, no passing out under bridges, no panhandling... oh those where the days.

other sky

big sky

gotta love Wanda

Wanda For President

thanks to everyone who sent me this pic

hangen'

Seems like i haven't written a post in a coons age. how ever old that is. one of those euphemism's from my childhood that my mother always tossed about. I hated it when she did that. all that hokey shit she came up with. and now, here i am, sounding like my mother, looking like my grandmother, and feeling like I'm ready for my next incarnation.

I've been hangen' over at myspace. simple stuff. not to much thinking involved. just a flash in the pan and then I can stay on the boat for weeks and never write a thing. so has become my life right now. just don't wanna get off that warm boat.

My job went from 2 days a week to 4 days a week. one would think wtf??? 4 days a week should be cruzen' but.... it;s just a reminder that the hcv is alive and kicken ass on my liver. which in turn takes it;s toll on every other organ in my body. including my brain. brain fog. not so bad. But people that know me, it's really noticeable. i can look back on this blog... shit it's really disconcerting.

das ist abar shada. another one of those euph's

a movie

What is the question?

Poverty, it's just to big of a subject to write about. I'm poor but I do get by on a tiny little retirement. and I can still work a very part time. the bills get paid. somewhere in the not so distant future I won't be able to work and my tiny little retirement isn't gonna cut it. And who knows the way the economy is tanking right now if it will even matter. I don't own a home. I choice I made. I really feel bad for the people that invested in one with shaky balloon payments and a wish and a promise. The only ones coming out of that meltdown smelling pretty are the executive turds at Fannie May and Freddy Mack. Hope their golden parachutes land in the ocean.

But what about real poverty. The kind we don't even know in this country. The kind found in countries like Haiti, India, Afghanistan....I don't know what the answers are. I'm not even sure what the questions are. As I knock thru life trying to get by, I don't even know what the answers are for my self. but it certainly does put my life in perspective when I think beyond my nose. And to keep from slitting my throat I just stay in the here and now,and do the best i can to not cause pain and suffering to others.

what do you have to say?

Blog Action Day 2008 Poverty from Blog Action Day on Vimeo.

yellow

doga

After a year and a half the new dog park's grand opening is tomorrow. I bet it's gonnna rain.

Lucy Blue got a new necklace

My little friend

Warp Cat

I miss dog energy in my space. I've been looking at all the dogs that have crossed my path in this life time. Still miss my Girlfriend dog. I go visit Pete the stray and his sidekick Big Lu. They still love me. but its just not the same.

Life is good though, the most beautiful baby in the world is about to make her grand entrance soon. Although I am not a main player in that adventure, I get to watch from a great box seat. The X_bf (granpa) and I seem to have a good working relationship. As long as I don't have to SEE him to much.

And I have a current bo that is beyond anything I could have dreamed up. His job keeps him way to many hours and I'm still emotionally sketchy so it works out. No matter what, the interaction with this "silly boy" is what got me through one of the more funky times in my life. I say bravo to that.

so life, as usual, waxes and wanes. Dog's or no dogs. and Lucy Blu is her own little independent planet. She doesn't even need a sun to revolve. She spins out at warp cat. So I think I'm gonna make a tomato pie as found on Judy Bluesky's blog.

Some times I feel like a motherless child

I'm really tired tonight. Just tired. I could make a list I could tell u all about it but I'm just to tired. like drib tired. So many things happened today - bland - joyless - my life flowing down the side streets hitting the storm drain lost forever. salton sea - wet. not being replaced fast enough. someday just the bottom left - cracked - won't be back. but tomorrow's coming in on the early train, i'm always amazed when it shows up on time with the flag of promise snapping in the breeze like a mad terrier.

inspiration drizzles down

hee haa

spiderman

My tatoo

Show Us Your Ink! Brickfish

the tour guide wishing us a fond fairwell